Happy February Everyone!!
Are you enjoying this incredible New England winter? The temps have been short of amazing! If one could hike all winter… this would be the one to do it! I’m starting this post today because of events of last night into this morning. I’m not much into dream interpretation but this was very clearcut and it’s meaning, well it directly relates to all that happened at the start of the evening and what further ensued. I realize Valentines day is coming soon and this post is very deep. It’s for those who have ever been tied to another person in ways most cannot begin to understand but with a connection so strong that you believe with your whole heart and every fiber of your being that no matter how it’s unfolding, it’s meant to be. This post will explain this kind of connection and why this is not always the case.
I will start with a class I attended that involved cutting Karmic bonds and clearing our Karma, freeing us to move forward and continue on our path. There are many kinds of karmic bonds but the one I’m referring to in this post deals with matters of the heart. It was an amazing class (check out www.divine_healing.us for more info). We started with a meditation to get us ready to release, then listed all we wanted to clear, all we wanted to be free of connected to our past and associated struggles. We then went into a visual meditation where we visualized these ties/bonds connected to us, and then Archangel Michael came in with his flaming blue sword of love to cut these ties and put them into the Violet flame for transmutation. Then Jesus came in to replace what was taken with beautiful white light, like bandaids, where each and every cord or attachment was removed. We were filled with his light, and then fill ourselves with the violet flame with us stretching it out into our aura as far as we could.
It was an incredible cleansing and we all felt lighter when we finished. Our teacher (Elizabeth Foley) checked with a pendulum to be sure we were clear. I was soooo ready!! I had been struggling with the intense bond of a soul love from many past lives and needing to let go. It was the full moon which is perfect energy for letting go, and this class. She went through each and every one of us… yes! yes! yes! and then me… No! I was like.. “C’mon!!!” Letting out a huge sigh. I said, “What more do I have to do?” I was very frustrated. I had been working on this for almost 2 years. “E” checked and said it was my romantic life. Then asked his name, which I gave. She said, yes its him. I was so disheartened.
Some of the girls gave me input on what they felt. That there were feelings still. And so I asked, “Do I need to hate this man to be clear?” Because I dont hate anyone. They said no. It just needs more time. They said it felt like there were unresolved issues, like uncertainty because of lack of closure. This is true. And as much as I can choose to be done. There are always questions.
I’ve never gone into much detail on this in previous posts but I will try to clarify here so there is a bit more understanding. And I know many of you will understand this connection. I met this man almost 4 years ago. We connected instantly. It was like we’d known each forever. This is because we’ve spent many lifetimes together. It is why we have a very comfortable yet passionate bond (And we are both Scorpio’s taboot!). But it’s never had boundaries. and that felt fine. When you meet a soul love like this in your lifetime, if it’s beautiful and everything flows.. you run with it because it’s rare. But when it starts off beautiful and then starts to get “wonky” (for lack of a better word), and it is alot of work. You start giving so much more than you are recieving because this person is not in a place where they can give in the same way, but at the same time will not let go, but they stay at a distance and keep checking in to be sure you are still there… this is not what is meant to be. If it’s not flowing and joyous, it’s time to let it go because it’s not meant to be at this moment and maybe not in this lifetime. The term soulmate is not always meant for a love connection, or a lifetime connection. When it is you can’t mistake it. But when it isn’t, you know deep in your heart because you are always in a search for understanding. Timing is the key here. Diving timing.
When we get caught up in this connection because it’s so strong (and I know many of you who have), do not convince yourself it’s meant to be because of how strong it is. I did this. But then I learned that it’s only strong because you have been together in so many lives before. If it’s not flowing beautifully, you need to let it go. It took me a couple of years to understand this.
We plan our lives before we come here.. the lessons we will learn, the friends from our soul family that will help us learn the lessons we want to learn, and the loves we will have or not have. We know all of this. Even if it’s the loss of a child or the loss of a great love. It can be severe abuse as well. It took me a very long time to comprehend this. But when reading “The Journey Home” it all started to make sense. And when we can recognize that the people in our lives, no matter what we have been through with them, are there to fulfill a contract that we set up before we ever got here, then we begin an understanding that will help you move forward and see everyone who enters your life in a totally different way.
Every struggle helps us get stronger. No matter what that struggle is, if we live through it, we are able to use that pain (challenge) to help another. I have lived through so much in my life, much of which many dont know about, but it has helped me connect with the people who seek me out with the same challenges, and I can walk them through it. When we can heal from these challenges, we become stronger and will inevidably help another at some point. Maybe another who may not be as strong, and in doing so we get even stronger. Reliving our pain to help another walk through theirs is the greatest gift we can give another.
In all I went through in this soul relationship, I endured incredible pain, and would never wish it on anyone. There was no cheating. No deception. It was not being able to reach and heal this one soul through his pain. It was the silence and distance that ensued because he wasn’t ready. And it was in learning that we cannot help someone who isn’t ready for it. And even when they are, they have to do the work themselves. We can support, but we can’t do it for them. He asked me once… “aren’t you afraid of what you will feel and dig up by trying to heal yourself?” And I said, “Im not afraid. Nothing can hurt me anymore, and if we dont face it head on it holds us back. Even if something did come up from a memory I had buried, I would face it. I will not hide anymore. That would only make that hold stronger and give it power.” Oh hell no!
He wasn’t ready to face what was his biggest challenge. What he endured was so much deeper. I understood. I understood why he saw life the way he did, why he made the decisions he made, why he accepted so much less for himself, and why he would choose an abusive co-dependent relationship over one that would treat him like gold. I understood. But it didn’t matter because he did not feel worthy of anything good in his life. And I couldn’t do anything about it. He told me once… if you hang around me long enough you will start to doubt the existence of God. I told him, “there is nothing you could say or do that would ever touch my belief. It just is”. Though, I think over our time together I touched his belief.
He often asked me to heal him, to send healing. And I would. He would text me in the middle telling me he could feel me. That was how our connection was. We could feel each other. Our thoughts passed through to each other without words.
I describe all of this so you understand the depth of our connection. There is so much more but I think you get the gist. After months of silence and more heartache than anyone should allow themselves to endure, I decided that it was time to free us both. And even that took many tries. But last night I was ready. I had already deleted all pictures, all internet connections, everything. With each release there were many tears. But the book “The Journey Home” helped me to see what our connection was in this lifetime. I had to accept that thats all it was meant to be. He was the reason I opened up to all that I had inside. He was the reason I started down this path of healing. And I am forever grateful to him for these things and the lessons that made me stronger in who I am. I learned it’s ok to be alone. It’s ok to love fully. But what I also learned was that we should never over compensate, or put more energy into another person than we do into ourselves or love another more than we love ourselves, especially if it’s not balanced and being returned. It’s easy to give and give without recieving. But it’s not healthy. And eventually it creates a lack of respect.
He did not believe in God. God is why I do the work I do. But yet because of his pain, I opened up to healing. He never prompted me in any way. But it happened because this is where I’m supposed to be. Not for this one person, but for the world. How can I not be grateful for that? So last night I set my intention to set us both free. And when in class this did not happen AGAIN, I was very frustrated. I drove home and thought of nothing else. I got home, got out of my car, looked up at the moon with tears in my eyes and my heart open so completely and said… “PLEASE clear my soul of our karmic connection and all ties that bind us. Im ready to move on. I want to move on. Please help me.” And then I went inside.
I went to bed and almost immediately fell asleep. I awoke this morning to the most horrific dream. Or at least thats what I felt in the dream. In this dream I had a new client coming to my house for a healing session. he showed up with another man (his friend). I dont usually have male clients so this was new for me. But I went to get changed while they waited in my home. (Clients normally come in my healing studio door downstairs not through my home anymore and I’m always ready). I put on a bathing suit and was ready. (ha ha yeah I know this through me off too.. lol but precognitive preparation maybe?) I went downstairs to my healing room and it was literally raining in the room. I said, “no no no no no OMG no”, then went out into the rest of my healing studio and it was raining everywhere. I was in sheer panic. My fear though was that I couldn’t afford to fix all the damage it was causing.
My client came downstairs and he started trying to figure out the problem. Shortly after this we went into the attic and it was bone dry up there. I was thinking… there is nothing coming through the roof. It’s pouring and there is nothing coming through the roof. Where is this water coming from? Then I thought.. OMG its a broken pipe. So from here I went into another basement (I dont have 2 but in this dream it was like the basement of the basement) with my clients friend and there was water everywhere but not raining water. I was looking around and walking was fine, but then noticed there were two boxes, one of wood and one of coal, and they were about to catch fire because they were too close to a heat source. I have no idea what this heat source was but it was there. Almost like a blob. I moved both boxes away from the heat so they wouldn’t go up in flames. Then checked on another part of the basement and as I crouched down my foot started to go through the floor. I panicked again and all of a sudden the whole floor was rotting and was going to snap where ever I walked. I got out of there with my clients friend without falling through.
We went back upstairs to my home and noticed the house being built next door (in the dream, it’s not happening here) had a bunch of firefighters and police officers putting a tarp over the roof area to keep the SNOW out. Outside we had about a foot of snow! Where the snow came from I have no idea. But I went out and started to tell two women what had happened downstairs in my house.. not knowing what I was going to do… then I woke up.
I woke up remembering everything! That never happens so I knew this had great meaning and I wasn’t exactly sure what it was but I had a feeling. So I called a friend and we discussed it. She had the same feeling I did. The rain was a cleansing. The second basement and the fire was like the passion and I moved the fuel away from the fire which will now eventually allow the “fire” to burn out. And the floor signified the bottom falling out from under me which in the past is exactly what it would have felt like to even try to disconnect from this soul love. My friends know… It was not a pretty sight and I felt I had no control. But I healed the despair connected to this man, which stopped those reactions. And by getting out of the basement, without falling through, I had conquered this situation. I had not fallen apart. I had not lost myself. And with all the rain clearing my entire healing area and myself… I was cleansed.. and I am free!
For those of you struggling with releasing a soul connection. Ask yourself… Is it flowing freely? Is it happy and without pain? Is your partner emotionally and physically free to love you? Do you recieve as much as you give? or Are you ever left wondering about your relationship? Can they answer emotional questions or do they leave you in silence, “forget” to answer the text, or just not answer and wait it out till it’s “forgotten”? Are they in it 100% (and you KNOW if they are) or are you left totally confused? Their actions speak volumes. Are they speaking or hiding? Just because they wont let go and always check in to make sure you are there, does not mean it’s working. Just the opposite. And that is not love. As special as that may make you feel at times. Checking in is not being present. You deserve someone who is present and participating as much with you as you are with them.
I am free now. But this is not over. I will be tested. And I will pass with flying colors! Because I know what I want and its so much more than I ever realized I could have. <3 Know you deserve the very best and that it’s yours if you allow it.
Happy Valentines Day for YOU <3
With Much Love and So Many Heartfelt Hugs,